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Sunday, June 10, 2012

One Small Step

My thinking process has taken a complete overhaul, as of late.

At one time, I wanted to save the world.  I wanted to do something bigger, greater than all of us.  I was the poster child of change.  I had pulled myself through so much and people actually believed in me.

Lately, my thoughts have been over-run with the typical mindset of a bipolar, anxious, crazed maniac (to put it lightly).  Questions run through my mind constantly.  Who am I?  Where am I going?  Why am I so angry?  How have I come to hate so much?  What is wrong with me?  Why don't I care anymore?

Which brings me to my latest decision...

I'm deleting my Facebook.

I've been thinking about it for a while, but this post really pushed me to do it:  Facebook Suicide

In the trials and errors of my life, I've been trying so hard to come up with a solution to the way I'm feeling.  I've been searching so long and hard to find the root of the problem.  I've found that Facebook/social networking and all who inhabit it have become the draining, addicting, yet ever-so-boring root to all of my anguish.

Don't get me wrong, there are some that I love dearly who are on Facebook.  There are some people I enjoy seeing post and I enjoy knowing how they are doing.  However, its only a handful of people.

My latest attempt at overcoming and ridding myself of this giant boulder sitting on top of my soul is to revert back to my roots.  I am going to live my life without social networking.  I'm going to start learning more useful things and finding more useful ways to spend my time.  I'm going to take some time out of my life to figure out who I am and what I want.

I know that I will look back at my life in 20 years and say, "I really regret spending so much time on Facebook.  I regret that I let posts of others have an effect me.  I regret knowing that much information about other people."  And I can't let myself live with those regrets.  I can't let my future become "Keeping up with the Facebookians."

Let's face facts, people throw their entire laundry list of a life on Facebook.  People don't understand the effect these things have on them.  People aren't realizing that on every break, over coffee, on the bus, every spare waking moment of our lives, we are taking out our cell phones or laptops or iPads and checking Facebook! And I can't take this addiction and need to be in this "community" any longer.  It is making me hate people.  It is making me hate myself.

People know too much about me through Facebook.  This quiet, private life I try to live is bombarded constantly by trying to maintain the "Facebook Happiness."  Our lives are revolving around the "status-quo" we have to maintain on Facebook and I'm not dealing with it anymore.

Social networking has done something awful to me.  Seeing this stuff and knowing that much about people and their lives and their jobs and their kids and their families is really dumbing me down.  Its dumbing us down, as a whole.

But its more than all of that, too.  It'll prove to me who cares.  Who is just a friend on Facebook, posting something once in a while or "liking" a status?  Or who actually wants to be a part of my life.  Who actually cares enough to give me a call or shoot me an email once in a while.

I'd much rather find all of the information I find out on Facebook by spending time with my friends.  I'd rather they found out things about me that way, also.  

If you have made it to the end of this, then I take it you actually care about what I'm saying.  Who knows...maybe you even relate and understand the information.

If you want to see how I'm doing without the phone call or email, check this blog.  Maybe, without Facebook, I'll be motivated enough to write again.  Maybe, once this wave of depression dissipates, I'll join the community again, without letting it absorb me.  Finding that happy medium between real life and cyber life isn't possible right now.

All of my contact information is on my Facebook page.  I am taking it down tomorrow, to give people a chance to read it.

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