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Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I Don't Forgive You

You don't have to forgive me, because I don't forgive you.  I don't forgive you for throwing my pride down in the mud.  I don't forgive you for making me close myself off from the world, as if I were no longer worth it.

You are a distant memory that slowly creeps back up into my throat like vomit.  The taste, so vile, so disgraceful.  You wash away my thoughts and fill my head with the darkest and deepest regret.  You are the cancer of my mind.  You are the heart you should have never broken, cold and decayed. You are the very shit that is stuck on the bottom of your own shoe.  So, no...I don't forgive you.

You wasted away my most valuable and vulnerable stages.  Your memory is harsh and degrading.  I hate you for letting me die in it.  I hate you even more for haunting me in mine.  You've created an opaque gray fog that tints all of the good memories, making them slightly depressing and negative.

You've pushed me to this ledge of sanity in which I stand.  Every step I take can be a step in which I fall.  So, instead, I teeter on this ledge of sanity, knowing at any moment I can break.  It's because of you I second guess myself and my stability.

I hate you most because I don't haunt you.  I don't exist to you.  I was an object of pure manipulation in some sick and twisted story plot that I have to be reminded of everyday.  No, you can't hurt me anymore.  You can not move back into my mind.  You can not undo what you've already created of me.  There is no going back in time.  I'm ruined because of you.

And I'm not sorry to say that I don't forgive you...

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